A Message for the New Year

Everyone, I would like to wish you a happy New Year! The few weeks I have spent on WordPress have been wonderful! I would like to thank everyone who has viewed my blog in the past and everyone who is viewing for the first time. I want to thank my followers, and those of you who have nominated me for awards! Thank you so much!

I am proud to report that, as of today, all my college applications are finished! Now I wait. I will keep you updated on what happens! Let’s hope for the best. What this means is that I will have much more time to blog and time to respond to those generous nominations (thank you again!). More essays, more poetry, and maybe even a few posts about my life.

I also thought that a fun way to start off the new year would be to let you guys choose what my next post would be about, so I will be putting up a poll tomorrow that I will leave up for the next few days and you can decide what I post about! Have a happy New Year everyone! Thank you for reading!

If Only If Only

On December 21st 2012
The world will finally end
Famine, war, and poverty
Will cease to be the trend…

The day has come and gone
Without a rumble or a bang
Though it was the people’s one desire
It’s the end of the world they sang!

Yet life continues on
As it always has and will
And everyday from here on out
Is just more time to kill.

Edge of Reality

I’m on the edge of reality
Somewhere between where I’ve been
And where I’d like to be

Things seem simpler here
Questions quickly quieted
By the constant screaming in my ear

The tears that fall seem beautiful now
Reminders of my humanity
And the path I’ve stumbled down

This world it holds no love
My redemption out of reach
It lies somewhere high above

Yet as sure as the sun will rise,
We humans mechanize,
I will close my eyes…


And Life continues on.

Reflective Essay

There are many qualities that set people apart from one another, however it is one’s character, above all else, that truly defines someone. One’s character develops through every unique experience in life, and there are more experiences to be found during high school then at any other time in one’s life. Defining moments will arise, however, that will challenge us and present us with great opportunities for growth. It is these moments that not only shape us as individuals but also serve to lay the path for our future.

My defining moment for this year came during marching band season as a drum major. I faced many challenges, seeing how it is a role that requires a lot of hard work and responsibility. Some of the challenges I faced involved overcoming a residual weakness that I have carried for some time, timeliness. It is important for a leader to be timely so that those who look to them for guidance have a good example to follow and never have to question their leader’s dedication. I also struggled with adapting to my new place within the band, and, metaphorically, to my new place in life as an upperclassman. First, involving my place in the band, a drum major is neither a teacher nor an average band member. I was forced to walk the very thin line between being overbearing and therefore pushing the band away from me, and being too soft spoken, not saying what needs to be said, and consequently having to watch the band decline. Secondly, as a new upperclassman I’ve been frequently confronted with questions of what my legacy would be atBuhlerHigh Schooland have also had to address the emotions attached with watching my role models move on with their lives while I was slowly being pushed into the roles they were leaving behind. In dealing with these complex issues, I was forced to examine what makes me who I am at a very deep level, and through this I have grown immensely.

In all honesty, I feel like my regrets from this year vastly outweigh my successes. Even as I am writing this essay I am fighting back a nagging sense of failure. I have struggled with a sense of purpose and accomplishment at very deep, personal levels for quite some time, and never more so has this been an issue for me than this year. My failures, and thusly regrets, are many, and each represents a significant challenge. Whether being passed up for the role I wanted in this year’s musical, receiving II ratings on both of my music solos, placing second at state forensics, or, worst of all, failing to achieve the same levels of respect from others that I have had for my role models. Many wouldn’t know this about me, but though I push myself to excel and reach great heights with many different activities I only do this in a pitiful attempt to be noticed by my peers. I have an unrelenting need to be looked up to, and this year more than any other I have been forced to realize that I am not someone who is looked up to, despite how hard I have worked or what I have accomplished over the past seven years. It hasn’t been enough, and it is too late to change. I am still unsure of how to handle this realization, and it makes me scared and unsure of my abilities for the first time in my life. I don’t know if I can be what others need me to be next year because I don’t even know if I can be what I need myself to be.

This year has been one of many ups and downs, but one of growth nonetheless. I have continued to grow in ways I was already conscious of and have also grown through obstacles the likes of which I couldn’t have imagined at this time last year. It is because of this that I am both excited and extremely frightened for the year to come. The fact that I am afraid at all is an experience that is new for me. I can’t help but feel like the craziest times in life are still to come. My one and only hope is that I find a way to use what I learn each and every day to continue growing. A life without growth is a life wasted. It is a life of constant discovery that brings about the most fulfilling rewards, and it is this type of life that I am determined to live.

7X7 Award

First of all, thank you so much to intrinzic for nominating me for the 7X7 Award. The fact that someone values my thoughts this much is award enough. (I honestly don’t know what the real award is.) However, I am told that I am supposed to first tell you all something about me that no one knows about me. Next, I list a few categories and match a different post to each category. I am then supposed to nominate 7 more bloggers that I enjoy.

I will go ahead and just add links to the different posts at a later point, since I haven’t been blogging for long I will probably have to upload some stuff that you haven’t seen yet to fit all the categories. That said, please excuse the ridiculous number of posts in such a short amount of time.

To tell you something about myself that no one else (other than my Honors English teacher) knows I direct you to my Reflective Essay.

Here come some categories:

Most Beautiful Piece: Edge of Reality

Most Helpful Piece: Rain Fall

Most Popular Piece: I am Just a Puppet

Most Controversial Piece: Kansas Is Touched By His Noodly Appendage

Most Surprisingly Successful Piece: I’m Gonna Die Young

Most Underrated Piece: Anticipation

Most Pride Worthy Piece: “What?”

I will have to think for a little bit about my 7 nominations. I will edit sometime later today.


The stars didn’t shine as bright tonight
The wind didn’t whistle as sweetly
The clouds painted pictures of discord and torment
As my front door closed discreetly

I set out along that crooked path
Hoping to once more feel whole
There were only two things I stood to lose
My sanity and my soul

I was sitting out on the curb like trash
Critiquing the universe
While a fire built up inside of me
Until finally it burst

Maniacally laughing I turned and went home
With a frightening twinkle in my eye
Suddenly I knew not what to do
Should I yell or should I cry?

What of those two things you ask?
Those things I stood to lose?
Well you’ll just have to wait and watch
The mayhem that pursues…